There is no such thing as consistancy or stopping time. and one will never agree with another on everything. and some people do fall out of love, but some stay in it forever.
I envy people who claim to be truly happy because I'm afraid that I'll never know what I want.
I'm afraid of a lot of things, yet people still turn to me in their stress and unhappiness because I am the most constant aspect of their life. Change is everywhere, but lonliness is always avoidable. I'm afraid of the decisions that I have to make very soon and I am afraid of disappointing the most important people in my life. And people say that I need to do what I want, but I am afraid because I genuinely have no idea what I want. And I am horribly afraid of making the wrong decision and being unhappy. I am afraid of losing things and people very close to me based on that decision, but I know it will happen. I am afraid of leaving my mom alone because she and I have gotten very accustomed to eachother's company. I'm afraid of Dad feeling like he is alone in this new decision of his because our schedules often conflict and I can't see him half as much as I would like to. I'm afraid of not seeing D-Dad as much as I should because you never know when it's going to be too late. I'm afraid of already losing precious time with Mimi because I never really appreciated her as much as I should have. I'm afraid of not being "all that I can be" because I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of settling, but I'm also afraid of passing up promising opportunities because I'm so determined not to settle.
There is so much on my mind right now because I'm anticipating things that I shouldn't even begin to think about. Not yet, anyway. But that's how I've always been. I dread what I know is going to happen until it happens and then I can finally get over it. I don't dwell on things of the past, I dwell on the future. and right now, the future is a lingering glass bubble and I'm the one who has to pop it and see where the pieces fall.
Here's to hoping for the best.
I envy people who claim to be truly happy because I'm afraid that I'll never know what I want.
I'm afraid of a lot of things, yet people still turn to me in their stress and unhappiness because I am the most constant aspect of their life. Change is everywhere, but lonliness is always avoidable. I'm afraid of the decisions that I have to make very soon and I am afraid of disappointing the most important people in my life. And people say that I need to do what I want, but I am afraid because I genuinely have no idea what I want. And I am horribly afraid of making the wrong decision and being unhappy. I am afraid of losing things and people very close to me based on that decision, but I know it will happen. I am afraid of leaving my mom alone because she and I have gotten very accustomed to eachother's company. I'm afraid of Dad feeling like he is alone in this new decision of his because our schedules often conflict and I can't see him half as much as I would like to. I'm afraid of not seeing D-Dad as much as I should because you never know when it's going to be too late. I'm afraid of already losing precious time with Mimi because I never really appreciated her as much as I should have. I'm afraid of not being "all that I can be" because I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of settling, but I'm also afraid of passing up promising opportunities because I'm so determined not to settle.
There is so much on my mind right now because I'm anticipating things that I shouldn't even begin to think about. Not yet, anyway. But that's how I've always been. I dread what I know is going to happen until it happens and then I can finally get over it. I don't dwell on things of the past, I dwell on the future. and right now, the future is a lingering glass bubble and I'm the one who has to pop it and see where the pieces fall.
Here's to hoping for the best.
4 Comments:
Suggestion: Forget the past and the future; dwell on the moment you are in. You will see miracles.
i decided to comment anyways :)
besides being a slow runner and letting your eggs get cold, your pretty outstanding, you know? and you really will be happy wherever you go because you make the best of things, you have fun wherever you are. why do you think so many people want you to be their constant?
anyways, i love you, and im sorry i called you a slow runner i didnt mean it.
i just dont know what i would do without you.
hahahahahahahaha, ok i know this is a serious post and a serious topic and i think i understand what you're saying and i love the way you wrote it and i also think that you have nothing to worry about because believe it or not you have complete control of your life and you're going to do great and do great things, you dont have to worry about everything right now, just see how it plays out - thats the best way to do it
but the fact cass called you a slow runner and then took it back in the same post just made me crack up.
i love you, i swear.
its ok to make mistakes lovelove
why do you think we have 4 years of college?
and, i love you
pleasepleaseplease know that you can come to me anytime. youve always been there for me more than i can say, and i only wish that someday i can do half of that for you. i also know that you have 2 older sisters who are more than equipt to help you figure out the future....but i wanna play too!!
i love you
-me
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