I feel like I've changed. I felt like this a lot last year, and then this summer I became me again... and now I'm losing it.
I'm not the same person that I used to be, and that's okay. But I feel like the best parts of me are fading. I loved who I was in high school. I had no problem making and keeping friends. I was so happy. I was spontaneous and it was usually me who would suggest doing something crazy just for the hell of it. I was the leader. I wasn't ever lonely. I never got sick of my friends. I appreciated everything that I had. There were nights that I just wanted to stay home to be with my family, but usually my "other" sisters would join. I kept myself busy and tried not to sweat the small stuff. I was exactly who I wanted to be.
But that's not me anymore. I wish it was. Now I worry... a lot. and I get very lonely. and I feel like I don't have the ability to make friends like I used to. I don't have anyone to talk to and when I get sad, I have a hard time getting happy again. No one is here to make me laugh, or get my mind off things. My cell phone is my best friend because it connects me to all of the most important people in my life. But they are happy. They are living in the moment. They don't worry too much and if they do, they talk about it to each other. And they can do that because they all live so close to one another. They are spontaneous and do what they want... and when they get sad, they easily forget about it. They take happy pictures every weekend because they are in love with life.
I feel like I'm fading. Fading away from who I was and fading out of their lives.
Everything happens for a reason, but right now I can't find reasons anywhere and winter is coming. Winter never was my season.
I'm not the same person that I used to be, and that's okay. But I feel like the best parts of me are fading. I loved who I was in high school. I had no problem making and keeping friends. I was so happy. I was spontaneous and it was usually me who would suggest doing something crazy just for the hell of it. I was the leader. I wasn't ever lonely. I never got sick of my friends. I appreciated everything that I had. There were nights that I just wanted to stay home to be with my family, but usually my "other" sisters would join. I kept myself busy and tried not to sweat the small stuff. I was exactly who I wanted to be.
But that's not me anymore. I wish it was. Now I worry... a lot. and I get very lonely. and I feel like I don't have the ability to make friends like I used to. I don't have anyone to talk to and when I get sad, I have a hard time getting happy again. No one is here to make me laugh, or get my mind off things. My cell phone is my best friend because it connects me to all of the most important people in my life. But they are happy. They are living in the moment. They don't worry too much and if they do, they talk about it to each other. And they can do that because they all live so close to one another. They are spontaneous and do what they want... and when they get sad, they easily forget about it. They take happy pictures every weekend because they are in love with life.
I feel like I'm fading. Fading away from who I was and fading out of their lives.
Everything happens for a reason, but right now I can't find reasons anywhere and winter is coming. Winter never was my season.
3 Comments:
We are totally in the same boat. Not literally of course because u actually go on boats and i dont. I just go to Radford.
There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
-Carl Jung
you're not fading, you're growing up. sometimes it can be a little bit lonely, sometimes it needs to be a little bit lonely. you'll get thru it, and when you do the people who really matter will be waiting for you on the otherside. i don't think you're friends will ever stop loving you...
...SO STOP WORRYING YA BUM! ;)
we still feel the same things you do, and you're right, it is easier because some of us are together, but you're not alone in feeling the things that you feel.
just call me when you're lonely, i'll tell you an embarrassing story in the life of robin and you're going to feel a million times better about being at the prestigious and honorable and oh-so respected coast guard academy.
i can't wait to see you.
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