Tonight is kind of a sad night. I don't know why. I am thinking a lot. That could be why.

Inevitably, I am thinking about change. and it scares me. and it makes me sad.

No specific change really; just the change that has been, the change that is, and the change that will be.
Not all change is sad though, I understand that.

Christina moved out a long time ago, but I still miss her when I don't see her.
I live with Lauren again which is so nice, but something about the way she said, "I'm glad you're home, Feath" tonight made me feel funny.

I saw a lot of my friends on Monday which was refreshing to say the least, but I ended most encounters with "I'll see you soon."
9 months is not soon. So I lied.

I can not wait to go to Africa, but I need to just go so that I can stop thinking about it.
People keep asking to see me before I leave. I would rather go without saying goodbye because it is not like I won't be back. I never was very good at goodbyes anyway.

I also need to remove myself from a situation that I have removed myself from before. How I got back into it is beyond me. I just care, that's all.

I want a specific change in one situation, but I don't know how to make it. Change is not always sad, but never easy.

Right now, there is a lot going on in my lonely room full of boxes of old photographs and memories.

And tonight I am going to try to sleep without the fan on. I think this is a good night for it because a little extra change is welcome when I am already swimming in it.