I lied... I don't want to leave everyone behind. I don't want to run away and start over completely.
Because Robin and Taylor and Sciac and Katie never gave me any reason to want that.

But this is not what I wanted and this is not what I expected.
I don't know what it is. I guess I just didn't expect to fall for anyone even a little bit for a long time.
But you're so damn nice (sometimes.)
Stop it.
Don't be so nice and then tell me that nothing is going to happen.
Don't tell me to talk to you and then get angry at what I say, that's not fair.
That's why I don't talk. That's why I don't put myself out there. and that's why I pretend not to feel.
I feel too much and I want to talk to you too much.
There is such thing as too much.
If I didn't talk to you so much right now then this summer wouldn't feel as sad.
Loneliness is something that takes time to get used to. and I was.
"I love being alone." I told myself that so much that I think I really started to believe it.
I didn't mean to get used to seeing you every night.

God damnit, I told myself that I would never get into this situation again.
You're not different. You're the same. You're just nicer to me.
That's okay... one more little anecdote to add to my book of "Living and Learning."

I wish I still had hope, but I'm losing it.
Hope, too often, has lead me to disappointment.
I won't tell you when it hurts. I'll get angry.
I'm frustrated and I'm ready to get away.

I'm fine and I'll never tell you how I'm feeling.
Apparently "you just care too much." and I know that direct contact is important.
But that doesn't mean that there is any reason to argue about nothing when it's "too late" for direct contact.

All I ever fucking do is listen to you complain about how much you hate everything.
That hurts, okay?
But I sit there and I bite my tongue and I let you get it all out there.
Because I know that you don't mean it and you just need to say it.
It helps to get it out there, remember?
Yea... it does help when someone is there, willing to listen and not get offended at what you're feeling.

I don't want to hear about how much you want to go home and how much you hate everyone here.
I don't want to hear about how all you look forward to is not being here and not remembering.
and I don't want to be completely ignored when you decide that you're just going to be depressed and alone for however long you feel necessary.
That's not okay and that's not caring.

I care too. I tell you that all the time. I care too much sometimes.
But in that sense, there is no such thing as too much. Because sometimes... every once in a while... I feel like I help, and that makes it worth it to me.

I can't do that all the time though. And I'm sick of feeling the same way that I've felt too many times before.

Prove yourself in the next 108 hours.
or don't...
I'll be fine either way.