It is starting to get colder out. I can already feel the change in my mood and my interactions with people. Fall is such a strange time of year for me. I know I'm not the only one though because Christina feels it, too.

I love fall more than any other season (I think) but it has always been ((not really always, just since high school)) a bittersweet time for me. It makes me happy-- I love the changing leaves and the crisp air and the drives on back roads with coffee-- but it also makes me sad.

I miss driving around in sweatshirts with Robin, Taylor, and Sciac with hot choffee and soft music playing loudly. I miss singing harmonies with Christina out of the convertible and into the clear, starry night sky.

Fall without a car to drive the Hollis loop in is not the same. Fall without the time to appreciate the leaves and take pictures with Christina is not as good. Fall without Lauren (who claimed for the longest time that she didn't like coffee) and a hot cup of coffee and the BEST conversations is not as fulfilling. Fall without the comfort and familiarity of coming home to a set table and a hot dinner with four to seven (depending on how many of my friends were joining) of my favorite people in the world is not nearly as happy.

And then comes winter. Lately, winter no longer means lazy days and curling up by the wood stove and making cookies with Lauren and walking in the snow with Cooper.

...In sets the nostalgia.

With winter comes ice and too many thoughts and far too much cynicism. I am not a cynic. In fact, I am looking forward to the first snow because I think that that is one of the most beautiful things that ever occurs in nature. But after that, it gets brown and ugly. And it stays around for longer than anyone wants it.

I am very affected by the people around me, which is why I surround myself with happy people, but I think that on some level, everyone is affected by winter. People, by nature, thrive off of the sun. In winter, we starve.

This all probably stems from my dislike of change. And the fact that I really miss my friends from high school. Some people say that you don't know what you had until it is gone, but for us, that could not have been further from the truth.

I loved my life and my friends in high school. We knew how good we had it. We used to always talk about how we knew that we were living through "the good old days" when we were in them. We loved each other, we took care of each other, and we had SO much fun with each other. We could have grown old together-- all of us as a group-- and been completely happy.

I'm sure of it.