You can't even give me two days to be even semi-happy, can you?

I get a day and a half before you make me completely crash and burn.
Less than two days.

It's amazing that I have recovered so many times, isn't it?

I'm starting to wonder if you try to do this.
If you try to be such an ass.

But then when I say something like that I begin to feel bad, because somewhere in the back of my mind something's saying "It’s not his fault, you idiot, how is he supposed to know anything if you can't even talk to him about it?
"He's just not that bright, you know? He isn't going to assume anything; he's obviously going to think that there's nothing more to it then what you're making it seem like. You can't just expect him to know, that’s not fair. In reality, you’re the one being the ass here."

So... now I'm left with two things: The voice in the back of my head making me feel like shit, and my actual thoughts trying to blame everything on him.

I know damn well what I should do, but I'm scared.
The risk is too much and it is what’s holding me back.

What do I do?!

Please, someone help me.

I've (or he's) started something that I'm afraid to finish.

But it just can't go on like this anymore.

I can't deal with it...
...with the pain, and curiosity, and wonder, and regret, and disappointment.

Although, I can't make myself stop either.

I can't learn from other peoples' mistakes. I have to experience things on my own, but one time just isn't enough for me is it?

And every time it goes a little bit further.
Just for the guessing, you know?

Yeah, well screw that. It's not fair.


Yet I still feel so helpless.
So helpless in a situation that simply can not be dealt with by anyone but myself.





*But I just don't know what to do.*