I'm no juggler.
I've never learned to juggle, so why would I ever think that I would be good at it?
I can't do this for much longer.
I don't know how to stop it, though. I don't know what to say or who to say it to.

You're not realistic. No, that's not true. We are not realistic. Why, then, would I ever consider changing my life for you? ...because then it would be realistic. Right now, our lives don't match up, but our feelings do. What am I supposed to do in a situation like that? I wanted to let it fade out, but you're making it extremely hard to continue wanting that. I don't want to stop talking to you and thinking about you. I don't want you to find someone else. You are so good for me because you know what you want. You're smart and you have everything figured out. You feel more real than anyone else because your life is on track. I can't decide if I want you to go somewhere far away or stay close. If you stay close, maybe we could work it out. It would be hard though. Really hard. And if you go somewhere far away then I may never see you again. What if we ended up just throwing away something good? No one knows what is going to happen. No one has the answers, so its up to us. We can't stay like this though because I'm no good at juggling.
I really can't imagine losing you.

On the other hand, I can't stop myself from wanting to see you every night. Maybe it's just a comfort thing. Or maybe it's because you really threw me off by coming back early. It was a good surprise, don't get me wrong... but it was also an extremely confusing surprise. I was ready to see you the next night, but I was not ready to introduce you to my whole family and have them absolutely love you. Of course they were going to love you, why wouldn't they? But I don't know if we are realistic either. In everyone else's perspective there is no reason that we wouldn't work out. But I think sometimes you just bring me down. This place is hard enough for me... I can't surround myself with people who claim to hate it and talk about leaving all the time. If you are going to leave, just leave. There is no reason to prolong it. The thing is though, I don't think that you are really going to quit so I wish that you would stop talking about it. But I do love holding your hand and laughing with you. And I love having someone to say goodnight to every night.
I really can't imagine losing you.

I think about you. All the time. I wake up at 5:00 in the morning and I wish that you were laying next to me. I get angry and I want to talk to you about it because you are so rational. I have bad dreams and you're the first person I want to tell because you make me feel safe.
I love your voice. and your eyes.
I want everyone in my life to know you.
Sometimes I wish I never met you. That would make things much easier because I don't even know the next time I'm going to see you.
I think about you all the time. That should give me my answer.
but you. are. not. realistic.
Damnit, I wish you were.

I'm no juggler, but
I just don't know what to do.

It's day 5 back at the good old CGA.
Already a full year has gone by. Where did it go?
Now I have my own two 4/C to look out for and take care of. It's kind of crazy, really.

I think Dad might be right though... I think this might actually be where I belong.
When classes started today, I started to get stressed but then all of the sudden I felt a little relieved when I thought about having deadlines and due dates and things to do at night. It was a strange realization. Why was I relieved to once again have more on my plate than I can handle?
Dad told me once that he thinks the regimented lifestyle would suit me well. At the time, I laughed because I thought that he was referring to the fact that he was really just worried about what I would do if I went to a civilian college ((now, that may very well be exactly what he was referring to)) but either way, he was right again.
I like having a schedule and things to do. Because everything somehow gets done and you look back and wonder how you did it. But it makes you proud because you realize that you really ARE capable of anything you set your mind to... besides maybe passing Calc 2 the first time. ;)

Things are working out for me. I have the greatest roommate... again.
And everyday when I go to practice I feel like I'm back in high school for a couple hours. I never thought I would feel like that again, but I can confidently say that it is one of the best feelings in the world.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though some nights I still get completely overwhelmed and just want to to cry, it's going to be a good year.

I just know it.