I've been thinking about something for a few days. Well, I've been thinking about a lot of things for the past few days but for some reason this thought keeps coming back.

I hate missing people, but I've been missing people for my entire life. For some reason though, I've been thinking about it in a different way lately.

When it comes to missing people, or being apart from someone, I would like to think about it in time rather than distance. Let me explain...
When you can't see someone that you care about, no matter how far you are away from them, you will eventually start to miss them. It doesn't make it any easier for them to be close to you if you still can't see them.
It doesn't hurt any less if they are only 50 miles away, rather than 500.
So, rather than thinking in distance, I am going to start thinking in time.

As soon as you got off the train, I missed you. I knew that you were only about 15 steps away, but you had left and I wasn't going to see you again for about two and a half months.
So, now I miss you because we are two months away from each other.
I miss my parents, but I know that they are only three days away from me.
It makes so much more sense. In situations like this, distance only matters for planning.
It's time that counts. Time that makes you miss people. Not distance.

I miss you because you are two months away from me. And in two months, I won't miss you anymore because we will be together. And after that, we will take it one day at a time until I see you again.

We are a family. Once you are part of that family, no matter what role you play, there is no getting out. But you would never want to get out. Time heals everything. With each tragic moment, we are growing together and learning. Lean on each other. Support each other. Watch out for each other. Be there for each other.

These are all things that we have been told in the past 3 days. This week has flown by; I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday night. It didn’t hit me until yesterday. I don’t know what significance yesterday had, but there must have been something because I could not seem to shake this feeling of overwhelming sadness. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since Saturday night. Not once.

The first service is over… two more to go. I should have been spending my time with these girls all week. No one should have to go through this alone. I just didn’t know where I fit in and where I would have been intruding. That was a stupid thought of mine. No one should sit at their desk, alone in their room, crying about something that everyone else is feeling, too. We are a family. I didn’t fully understand that until tonight. Tonight, when we were all sitting together in the basement of the Chapel, sharing memories and laughing. This is the sadness time that most of us have ever witnessed, but happiness is not hard to come by when you have such great memories. And that is how he would have wanted it. Remembering only the good times and laughing with the memories. Memories are forever. Love is forever. This team is full of love and memories.

But along with that, I’m so full of curiosity and sadness. Not sadness for myself, because that is selfish. But I was watching Denese tonight and I could not stop the tears. My own tears for her. I just can not imagine what she is feeling. She collapsed. She acted exactly the way that I imagined her feeling, like she her legs could not support her own body weight. All of this is too much for anyone to handle. She got overwhelmed. One too many hugs and one too many tears and she couldn’t take it anymore and she fell. I would have fallen days ago. I don’t know how she got out of bed this morning. I wish I could take all her pain away.

And Ashlee. She is different. Ashlee is putting on a smile and even a laugh or two. We all know that it can’t be real, but how does she do it? It’s not fair. She is 19 years old and going through what is most definitely the most painful thing that she has ever had to handle. No one should have to smile through that much hurt. When is she going to break? I wish someone would just tell her that it is okay to cry and everyone understands that this is the hardest time of her life. Everyone understands that.

And as for the team, our team, our family… we’re doing okay. Any of us would not be able to handle it on our own though. I should have spent more time with them this week. So I’m making up for lost time in the end of the week. Because we are only one service in. Two more to go.

Two more to go surrounded by love.

RIP Coach