As I walk along the tropical shore,
I remember the days of you and me.
The waves are crashing softly on the sand in an eternal pattern.
I begin to think of the steady beating of your heart.
A small tear falls from my eye.
I miss you.

The sand is cool under my naked feet as I walk the coast.
I recall the peaceful nights under the stars, just you and me.
I would lie next to you and memorize your delicate face.
The image is now gone.
I miss you.

I am lost in thought and wonder as I continue on my journey.
My heart yearns to hear your voice;
To feel your gentle touch upon my face.
But I look up only to see the everlasting sky.
Where are you, my love?
I miss you.

Her eyes sparkled in the spotlight.

I've always told her that her eyes look absolutely amazing in the sunlight. I suppose it works with the stage lights, too.

She's beautiful.


Everyone was anticipating her performance.

"Feel my face," she told me.
So I did. It was burning up, but I don't think I told her that.
"You'll do fine," I assured her, "You always do."
"I'm scurred, Heath."
WHAT?! I, and everyone else, knew that she had no reason to be nervous.
She was so much better then every single other person that stepped onto that stage.

She began to sing and everyone fell silent. Heh, she even danced a little.

From the very first note to the very last, the whole auditorium was in awe.
Pure admiration.

She continued to sing and I could see how much she enjoyed being up there. It looked to me like all the pain and aching in her body vanished. I loved it.

...she looked straight at me. She was singing to me. For that few seconds that her attention was on me, she sang to me. My breath caught in my throat.

"I love her so much," I thought to myself.

The girl sitting next to me leaned over and said, "she's looking right at you."

I know.


At one point someone yelled "I know her!!"

Everyone laughed.

It was then that I leaned over to my great friend sitting on my right...


"Yes," I whispered, "But she's my sister."

I feel so weird right now.
Not jealousy tonight. Not quite.
I'm mad, upset, sad, nervous, hopeless, the list goes on...

Why do people have to intrude on my business.
Its my business, and as of right now its my business only.

Don't act like you know.
Maybe you do know, but I don't care.
This has nothing to do with you.

Don't try to change my mind or theirs.
We can think on our own.

Really, we can.

I know what I'm getting into. I do. You may not believe that. But I'm ready for it.

I've been hurt before, you know.

I want it.
And I have it. Please don't try to ruin this.






I have been hurt before.

"This is where I say I've had enough;
No one should ever feel the way that I feel now."

You know that feeling in your stomach where you have no idea what you're feeling?
You're confused, angry, sad, hopeful, jealous...

Jealousy.

I would have to say that jealousy is the worst feeling in the whole world.
Not ONE of the worst feelings. Its the worst.

Now, many of you may say that I have no reason to be jealous of anyone or anything. And I hate to tell you, but those of you that say/think that are dead wrong.
Everyone has a right, and usually a reason to be jealous. Some people just have an amazing talent of looking past that. I do not possess that talent. At all.

I am a very happy person. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have the life that I do.
I'm happy with almost everything in my life right now. There are many things that I could work on to make better, but nothing is really THAT bad.

But if I had to choose something that I could not STAND about myself, it would be the fact that that I am jealous.
I'm even jealous of people that I know that I shouldn't be.
Jealous of people that have exactly what I do; except when I see them with it, it seems different... better.

I'm not saying that I wish I had someone's hair, or that I really wanted that person's shirt.
Its not like that.
Its so much more.


But I'm happy where I stand right now. I have wonderful friends and a great family. School is alright and my thoughts... well, my thoughts are a little scattered right now, but all they need is a little organization. I can do that, right?

Right.




*This too shall pass.*

Everything was perfect before.
and when I say perfect, I mean perfect.

We were the very best of friends.
We never fought.

It was like this for the longest time.

Then one day it just wasn't.
Wait, maybe it didn't all happen in one day. Maybe it gradually got worse and worse and I just ignored it. Then finally, on that one day it couldn't be ignored anymore. And it hit me. Hit me right in the face. Hard.

Ouch.

She would blame it on me, and I blame it on her. That's just human nature.

I can't stand the way things are right now.
Bluntly, they suck. They have for a while now.
And the worse part of everything is that it doesnt look like they are going to get any better anytime soon.

I cant change that.
I can't.

If I could, I would. But that's just not allowed.





I miss her.

He got out of the car... said goodbye to everyone, and was gone.

"Great," I thought, "Its just me and them for the next three and a half hours. They are already fighting! Oh, this is just wonderful."

We got back to the house and after about 15 minutes the phone rang.

It was him.

Thank God.

"My mom wanted me to call you," he said, "She told me that she didn't want you over there by yourself. Do you just want to come over here and hang out with us?"

*More than anything.*

After much confusion, we finally got to the other house.


aahh... sweet relief.


I was greeted with a hug, and she told them to go downstairs while she talked to me.

She sat me down in the den and just looked at me.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she finally said.
"What?" I asked.
"You can't be with them by yourself. He walked in alone, and I asked him where you were. I thought you were coming over here."
"Well, I wanted to," I began, "but I didn't know what to do. I couldn't have just gone with him."
"Yes, you could have!" She almost looked surprised that she even had to say that. "You are always welcome here. I don't care if either of them are here or not. You know, I was going to come pick you up tonight, Heather. This is your other home; this is your room; this is your bed. If you ever need anything; a ride, a place to stay, anything. You come here. I don't care where you are. If you feel uncomfortable, if you don't want your parents to know about something, if you need to get away, I will come get you. You should know that. You're my Heather."


**Woah.**


...I was not expecting any of that. Here I was, wondering if she even liked me!

I was shocked. I really didn't know what to say.
So I gave her a hug. Told her that I loved her. And thanked her for rescuing me.

I talked to her for almost an hour that night. We talked about so much. She told me so much, and I just sat there listening; taking it all in. It was awesome.

Someone walked in while she was talking, and she told them to leave.
She really wanted to talk to me.

It was a good night.



"This is your other home."

I sat on my thumb last night.

I was in one of the best moods I honestly think I have ever been in.

I was also on the phone.
And I went to sit on the counter. Not that I would have stayed there for any amount of time because I had so much energy and happiness that I could not stay put.

I screamed. It hurt so much.
My sister laughed at me. She had been laughing at me for the past couple minutes so it was alright.
I'm sure I was quite a funny sight to see; Someone on the phone in one of the best moods ever, who was screaming about the pain in her thumb because SHE had sat on it.
Pathetic.

But it was quite funny.




*Made me laugh.*

Your eyes meet...

His attention is now completely fixed on you.

Smile.

Do you speak?
Or just look?

You have butterflies, don't you?

Do you move? Approach him perhaps?

Are you afraid to blink?
What if he's not there when you open your eyes...

...don't loose him.

He needs you. You need him.


Do you go for it?
Will he?


Be careful, for you have found yourself in a very fragile situation.






Don't loose him.

I just wish you understood.

I'm not sure I've ever even tried to explain it to you.
I know you won't listen. I know you won't understand.

You finally got me to tears, are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? You won, alright?

I was strong before.

There are just certain things. And certain moods. And certain tones. And certain looks.

Those things, and tones, and looks aren't rare anymore.
I used to hate them.

It's sad that I've gotten used to them.

And they don't and will never have a reason to get used to them.
Its just not the same with them.

They do exactly what you want when you're around. And you don't EVER question them, do you?

Well, maybe you should.

I don't change. I won't change.
Not how you want me to.




But its just not the same with them, is it?

"Yah, all I need is for you to be mad at me when I'm bleeding from the heart."



If I didn't love you so much I'm afraid that I've reached the point where I would tell you that I hate you.