Today was a funny day. I woke up in a great mood after turning my alarm off for two hours. It's summer so I can do that. Perhaps that where the mood came from. Then I mosied around the house until i said bye to loo, which wasn't the most exhilirating thing, but 1) I've grown very accustomed to moves and goodbyes and 2) I'll see her soon. A little while later some boy came over while i was dancing around the house to Kanye in short shorts and a sports bra (due to the heat, of course) I love kissing. But there are some things we disagree on and I dont like when things don't go my way. Don't worry, I know that sometimes I'm irrational. After acting all different, he said it put him in a weird mood, so I obviously turned it off. I dont know sometimes... he told me not to but it didnt convince me. It's my house... dont ruin something good. I love my house. Very different topic, that one. But god, I love my house. He fell asleep on the couch, just like the picture she took, but it was very different from the picture. He was alone, but probably not lonely. He woke up eventually, but sometimes I just don't feel like talking. Lately it's been just too hot to touch. I don't like feeling sticky. He left. Alone again. Today was an alone day, but not lonely because I think it was good for me. I keep myself busy... 9 out of 10 times you ask me what i'm doing, I've probably got an answer. I don't like being bored. Cooper was in a weird mood today, too. He just looked sad. I decided that he has emotions like me. I love Cooper. He just layed there when I called him. I got a little nervous, but its okay because I ignore people sometimes, too. I didn't want to disturb him, but I think he would have regretted being inside all day. Mom took him for a walk once we both got home because she said he was being weird and probably needed to get out. He's going to swim in the lake... maybe that will help. It's good to just get out. I wanted to go to the beach today. And I just couldnt decide if I wanted to go alone or with a friend. Today was an alone day. Leaving a lot later than I had planned, I drove for an hour and a half with only a towel, a bagel, and some water. Music is a necessity... I had that, too. The highway is a nice place to be on alone days. All the windows were down because there were no papers in the back to blow around due to the fact that I went out with my friends last night. It's nice to be with them. I like spontaneity. I let my hair down as I approached the highway. I've always wanted to be that girl with the wavy hair blowing all around in the artificial wind while driving fast down the highway. I feel accomplished when I find a place I'm going without getting lost. Accomplishments are nice. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but I know how to follow directions. ;) I love my mom. The lady who took my money was very nice and I wondered if she had any grandchildren. The parking lot was only about half full. Optimism is key because it was also half empty. "It's like you're a drug, it's like you're a demon I can't face down. It's like I'm stuck..." I feel so great lately because I don't let myself worry or get worked up. It's funny to look back and see how ridiculous I was, but you know what? I will always defend myself. I loved him. Well... love? When I'm 80, ask me who I really did love throughout my life. I'll know then, I think. There were two little boys at the beach today with their mom... A family. I can't wait. But of course I will because I'll never regret anything. Today was an alone day and after I fell asleep in the sun, swam in the salt, and ran against the wind, an old man told me that the rain was coming fast. I packed up my towel, clothes, and water. The drive home was different. Closed windows, darker skies, and more appropriate music. I stopped at Dairy Queen out of habit, but didn't get out of my car. Found my way home... sort of. Mom = home. We had dinner. She's good stuff, my mom. This hasn't happened in a while, but today was an alone day and thats the way I liked it.

I'm not usually hypocritical like this, but it makes me sad that no one writes much or at all anymore.

An excellent start to the summer, I'd say. ;)


Like woah.

Two-hundred and eight days later...


I love you.