I am so grateful.

and there is no better word for it.

*I am just so grateful.*

birthday birthday birthday girl.

Cats make Taylor itchy, but the show was great.
I love my family. love love love love love love love them. (thanks for coming, Beeb.) :-D
Coldstone to top it all off, not to mention dancing the Time Warp with Chris and Loo loo.

And then a win. Not a big win, but a trophy nonetheless. But winning really doesn't matter with the spectacular team I have. I love you guys.

Friends friends friends friends friends later on tonight.

*This is fantastic.* :)

I wish you were coming with us.
Because I hate admitting that so much has changed.

I miss you everyday.

I want to hug you again.
That's all-- only hug. Just like we used to.

I remember one morning... I looked like hell because I had just woken up... You didn't care.
I woke up and went into the living room... and there you were (with the momma and dad). So we talked for a little bit.
"Morning... how'd you sleep... what are you up to today..."
Then everyone went into the kitchen.
And it was you and me, alone in the living room.
You hugged me.

and the rest of my day went well...
I blame you.
I miss you too much for words, lovely. So sometimes I pretend that you are really gone. Although... that still kills me.

I miss you.
“It’s better this way,” they all say.
And I willingly agree. But there are so many times when my mind is screaming,

“How do you know what’s better for me?! You know nothing. You don’t know how I felt. You dont know how I feel! You don’t know what it’s like. This may be better for you, but this is not about you! This is me… alone.
You know nothing.”

I've never said that though... and in reality, I never will.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. :-/

You can never love someone completely until they love you back... and if they have hurt you before, that pain will always be there. Trust can be re-established, and the hurt will drift to the back of your mind... but it will always be there. Love is a very complicated structure with so many twists and turns and unforseen bumps that no one can ever know what to expect. Fall in it and fall out. Just know that to be able to fall in love, you must be willing to take a risk.

Once upon a time there was a pretty little blonde girl. She was young and innocent and had no idea what the future held. Her world was made up of a wonderful home, a few friends, and no worries. Everyday she would come home and jump on the trampoline. Out there she felt so free and carefree.
Nothing mattered.
She smiled at life and giggled at hers. She would fall asleep everynight listening to the cars drive by. The lights on her wall would come and go. Reflections of growing up.

She had no idea.

She's not right anymore. Inside her head everything is unorganized and confused.
She understands everything just like you understand someone talking on a cellphone with no reception.
"You're breaking up, " they'll say, "I can't hear you anymore... "

There's no way out. No cell phone towers anywhere.

She looks to friends and music and candles.
Any way to find a piece of mind.
But she's okay. always okay.

There is love all around. But when things go wrong... she feels alone.
She knows why. But she doesn't know what to do or how to do it. There are no batteries that can just be replaced because she's not a toy.

This girl's got marks and scars and stories.
Secrets and lies.
But she's honest and tells everyone.

If you see a beautifully smelling obscure maroon mark on her skin, tell her that everything is going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay.
because everything is okay.

Why isn't everything okay??

I Have Kissed Someone...

on the cheek.
on the lips.
on their hands or fingers.
in my room.
in their room.
of the same sex.
of the opposite sex.
related to me.
younger than me.
older than me.
with jet black hair.
with curly hair.
with blonde hair and blue eyes.
with flaming red hair.
with straight hair.
smaller/shorter than me.
bigger/taller than me.
with a lip ring.
who was drunk.
who was high.
who I had just met. kinda
who was homosexual.
who I didn't really want to kiss.
on a holiday.
who was going out with someone. (heh... nope, not kissed.)
who was my good friend's brother or sister.
who had been/is in jail.
in a graveyard.
at a show/concert.
at the beach.
who I love/loved.
who I didn't/don't love.
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water.
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with.
with dyed hair.
with a shaved head.
who was/is my good friend.
who was/is in a band.
who has tattoos.
who is of a completely different race than me.
in the rain or snow.
on another continent other than where I was born.
with an accent.
with an std.
on a boat.
in a car/taxi/bus.
under the stars.
on a plane.
at the circus/carnival.
with a missing body part. (extra body part? nipple anyone? hahaha)
in the movies.
eskimo style.

Well... I was doing well at the beginning of this.
haha. :)

mmm...
*I love kissing.*