Thanks for lunch, Megger.

:)

So much change.

I miss the jersey. and the sweat. and the feeling. I miss the heart I put into it; more than I've ever put into anything else. "...the heart and soul of the team." I miss never looking at the clock, but always wanting to stay longer. I miss planning things and being in charge and having all the responsibility. I miss being comfortable. and laughing. and hearing all those wonderful things. I miss the bus rides. and singing. and talking about the games. I miss the look in her eyes when we used to win. or lose. I miss knowing how much it all meant to her. I miss knowing her so well. Knowing them so well. Most of all, I miss the girls. I miss the team. I know that I still see them. but I miss the "us." The routine. The two hours ((or more)) that I saw them everyday. I miss the friendships made that always fade. I miss life like that.

I miss the music. those feelings. I miss the comfort. I miss the assurance. and the "problems." Because in reality, I loved every second of it. I miss them... all of them. I miss the nights. and how spontaneous we used to be. there was no such thing as plans. I miss the inside scoop of everything just because of who I was. and the special treatment. I miss the protection. always safe... never afraid. I miss going to pizza. being the only girl that was allowed to go. I miss dancing under the stars and walking through the woods. I miss the smell. and the feeling of that. I miss the company. and the car rides. I miss the routine. and those nights with no rules. I miss never knowing how the night would turn out. I miss life like that.

I miss this house. and everything we used to do here. I miss the scary basement. And mozza sticks and breadsticks. I miss being stuck here in the snow. I miss her bringing my bag into the house every time. I miss the momma and the papa a lot. I miss the stairs... and the feeling I used to get going down them. I miss the anxiety. The comfort with butterflies. that was always my favorite. I miss movies. falling asleep everytime. I miss making the bed. and staying up for hours after she fell asleep. I miss her always driving. I miss going out all the time. I miss music in the car with her. I miss playing the same song first when we got home... every single time without fail. I miss talking to her online for hours in silence when we were about 2 ft. away from eachother. I miss snow days together. and walking. I miss taking pictures at crazy hours in the morning. I miss hats. and always sleeping in her clothes. I miss going downstairs every night to say goodnight. I miss never wanting to go home. I miss dinners here... being a part of the family. I miss playing volleyball in the yard. I miss running down the driveway. I miss running with her. I miss playing board games for hours and not even being phased by it. I miss not caring. I miss all of our stories. We have so many stories. I miss life like that.

I miss it all.


I cant think like this anymore though. it's over. the memories are all that's left.
I want to go back. I really want to go back. I want it all to go back... just like it was. But it cant... and I know that. I know.
It's just hard sometimes.

city girl and sunshine girl. chickadee and baby girl. Loo and Lip.
That's all that's constant. just that.
prettyprincess, too. She's there... always there.

I don't need answers.

All I know is that my life is better with you in it.

...:)

Today is the day that we're going to defy all odds.

All walls that I have put up are suddenly starting crumbling around me. They're crashing...
Leaving me with pure, crisp air ((it's getting colder out)) and sunshine.

But the sun can't be so bright, right? I don't want the clouds just yet, though. Don't bring the burden. The rain. And if you do, please just warn me first. Make the moon a little dimmer the night before, then I'll know.

It's all so good, though. It's so nice.

...flowers don't bloom without rain, I understand. but give them time to adust to the soil before you soak them. They'll flourish...
I just know it.

really... I dont know if I've ever felt like this before.
crazy.
yea, yea I feel spoiled.
...and I love it.

My heart burns for you, my pretty.

We are three and all important.
I live for you;
We live for three.

You are my reality.

a little ode to Robin...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-D
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-D
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-D


but um...
? ((only one.))

yea... shit.


So dumb.
SO DUMB.

I've never been more mad at myself in my life. ever.
Oh well... tomorrow is a new day. :)